When it comes to define Emotional Intelligence, we could spend hours talking about what it means. It’s hard to fit the whole concept into one simple sentence, but we found a powerful definition that we would like to share with you.
According to Justin Bariso, author of EQ Applied: The Real-World Guide to Emotional Intelligence, “Emotional intelligence is the ability to make emotions work for you, instead of against you.”
It gives point to the fact emotional intelligence is a practical skill and it is not just about understanding how it works, it’s about gaining the ability to use that knowledge to help yourself and others.
Then how to increase your emotional intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence is like an ability. It can be learned and trained to generate desirable outcomes. Here are some tips on how to develop your Emotional Intelligence.
1. Learn how to manage your negative emotions:
Due to the different situations we encounter constantly, you may experience a wide range of emotions. Sometimes you have a positive outlook and sometimes your negative emotions take the reins. But if you learn how to manage and reduce your negative emotions, you are less likely to feel overwhelmed. Although it seems easy to say, when you genuinely try to apply it, you will realize how effective it is.
Try this: If something or someone is upsetting you, don’t jump to conclusions right away. Just stop for a moment, take a few deep, long breaths and if possible take a walk for a few minutes. Then, try to look at the situation from different perspectives. Try to look at everything objectively so that you don’t get angry so easily. Practice mindfulness in the workplace and notice how your perspective changes. Afterall we are ALL different and may have different points of views. Try to be more open!
2. Change your words and you will change your life:
Focus on being direct and open in your communication, while also being kind. Emotionally intelligent people tend to use more specific words that can help explain the shortcomings. If you can’t find something nice to say, it is better not to say anything at all though try to avoid ‘but’ and ‘You’ statements at all cost. Use ‘I’ statements so you do not point fingers at the other person. Do not generalize. A strong communicator does not mean to take conversations on a negative tone or in an aggressive way.
3. Listen to yourself, others and practice empathy:
Before you act, learn more about your own emotions, actions and reactions, listen to others and observe if they are empathetic towards you or not. Put yourself into their shoes. It will help you see from their perspectives and remind you that everyone has their own issues. Sometimes focusing on the para verbal – how we say things – and on the non-verbal – our gestures and body language – can give you invaluable insight into the feelings of your colleagues, clients, friends and family members.
4. Know your triggers and stressors:
Remember the last time someone pushed your buttons and you lost it and freaked out? This happens when someone mirrors us with words or actions that trigger certain reactions in us. In these situations it is useful to step back as there is always a reason for any trigger caused.
Common emotions that you may experience while being triggered include anger, rage, sadness, and fear. Virtually anything can trigger us especially if we are not balanced, depending on our beliefs, values, and earlier life experiences such as a tone of voice, a type of approach of a person, a particular viewpoint, a single word.
Understanding the source of your stress and knowing your triggers will help you improve your emotional intelligence and manage it better. Evaluate the situations, words, people that make you stress you out, and why and try to regroup and step away from the situation as often as possible. But most fabbfafabrimportantly, learn how to deal with them. If you know that checking your work email before you go to bed will stress you out and cause anxiety or poor sleep quality, leave it for the morning. Better to do it when you start to work.
5. Learn how to bounce back swiftly from life's challenges:
This is definitely one of the top qualities to have. Everyone faces different challenges in their life. Oftentimes it is hard for us to see and appreciate all the great things we have in our lives when they are overshadowed by negative experiences and situations. The important thing is how we can cope with these difficulties and how we react to them.
Try this magical formula: 10% is what happens, 90% is how you deal with it. To help yourself, stop complaining, practice optimism and build a growth mindset. Ask yourself constructive questions, see what you can learn from this situation and what you can take away from that challenge and start practicing gratitude.
Below you can watch the video to practice some exercises to become resilient, have a growth mindset and a positive outlook. This module you will watch will help you see the challenges and obstacles as an opportunity for development. It is all about changing your perspective and approaching situations with a range of different possibilities.
What does the mindset module cover?
The module includes:
- Fundamentals of a growth mindset
- Mindset assessment that you can take to learn which type of mindset you have
- A growth mindset verses a fixed mindset
- Top Mindset tools for balanced, constructive thinking, positive thoughts & your self esteem
- Practical exercises that can change game plan! Make sure you play at 100%
What's next?
Congratulations! You have just taken the first step to increase your emotional intelligence! Ready for the next step? The Coach has a message for you! Click below to listen to her message!